Flash Sentry: Waifu Thief of the Universe
by TechieTrekkie
Summary: This story is very confusing. Be warned. This story also contains characters besides the Avengers and My Little Pony.
1. The Blarghed Beginning

**This is the first part of our 50+ page blargh.**

TREKKIE: _warning: religious insensitivity, inside jokes, slash, OOC._

It was a more or less quiet evening. seven people were seated around the television watching a movie, all paired off. Except Steve. Steve was kinda hugging a pillow in the far corner of the couch. On the other side of that couch, the god of mischief had curled up small, trying to escape but helpless against his brother's arm around his waist. He had a hilariously angsty look on his face and was blushing blue. In the middle of the couch (it's a big, shiptastic couch,ok?) sat Bruce, his puppy-like face too deep in a physics book to notice the way Tony was looking at him from the big chair over to the left. it was a scary look. In a nest on the floor in front of the couch, made of blankets and newspapers and actual wood planks from somewhere, sat Clint and Natasha; the later of which being held against her will, but lacking any excuse to escape because guess what. It was Valentines Day, or as Tony called it, LOL Steve is Forever Alone Day.

"But where are the lads dressed in wolfskins?" Thor asked, puzzled. last time he had been on Midgard this time of year, boys in wolfskins had run around beating people with sticks.

"Ew Paganism" Steve hissed. Loki laughed.

"The last Lupercalia was a long time ago, you oaf."

RING RING RING BANANA PHONE something trilled in the background.

"You would, Stark." Natasha sighed. "I'll get it." Clint reached in vain for her retreating legs as she stood up.

"Caw! Come baaaaaack"

"Who is this?" Natasha asked. a deep-ish voice replied,

"This is a robbery. Hand over the waifus and nobody gets hurt." Natasha hesitated. wat do? she looked over her shoulder. Her friends were engrossed in the movie and in each other. So she quietly hissed into the phone.

"they're all mine. you better back yourself away son, or else I will find you and kill you." there was silence on the other end. perhaps she had scared off whatever fangirl-or boy- had been calling.

"Agent Romanoff. Nobody's waifu. get yourself ready for the thought it was of your life. You currently posses the world's mightiest and most sought-after waifus. soon they will all be mine. Even-"

"WHO IS THIS?" the woman snarled. suddenly, drums and guitars began to play in the background.

" I am the Savior of the Universe."

FLASH! AHHH-AH! something yelled somewhere. Natasha hung up.


	2. And So, the Plotline Begins

Techie: warning! slightly Dirty, Crude humor

Bruce continued to read. "I remember learning this in ninth grade." He mumbled. "Kinematics seemed so complicated back then..."

Tony was staring over Bruce's shoulder now, creepily sitting behind him.  
"How do you find force, bruuuceeee" he hiss-whispered.  
"Without accelerationnnn"  
Bruce didn't respond, too wrapped up in his memory-filled old physics book to even realize that tony was being a creeper.

Tasha was about to sit back down on the couch when Clint grabbed her ankles.  
"Caw caw?"  
She looked at him and cocked her head. "What?"  
"Sit with me Tashi!"  
Natasha groaned. "Nicknamessssssssssss"  
She was pulled into the nest by Clint, who proceeded in turning her into a burrito and snuggling with it.  
"Wat is happening" Natasha managed to say, muffled. "Stahp Clint, I'm not a burrito!"

Steve thought of the date he missed. He cried on the inside and on the outside a tear worked its way down the pillow he was holding. Loki smiled devilishly and felt very good about himself, at least he had an army of fan girls at his feet. He decided to cause a little mischief.

Steve got randomly mad and punched his cuddle pillow in a blind rage. "I MISSED IT!"  
He was shaken back into reality by stark screaming at him.  
"you punched a hole through my tempur pedic pillow! How dare you?! that's the pillow I first used tooooo..." Tony stopped. Tony thought about what he had said. Tony Humphed. "Never mind."  
Steve, too naive to realize what this pillow was, removed his arm from the memory foam, and hugged the once flawless square which was now a square-with-a-buff-arm-sized-hole-in-it. Tony sniggered because that pillow...  
"Who was phone? Caw?"  
"Oh just some pimp or something. It's fine."  
"Oh, Tashi shouldn't be talking to pimps instead of snuggling with me, caw!"  
"...umok"

"So, Natasha. Who was this 'pimp'? What did he say?"  
"Oh nothing. He said he wanted all the waifus. And that he was-"  
She was cut off by the sound of guitars and drums.  
FLASH! AHHH-AH!  
SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE! Yelled something from somewhere again.  
"Well, yeah. That." Tasha continued.

Tony creepily laughed, raising his eyebrows like a creeper.  
"Would you stop Tony?"  
"Yes."  
Tony proceeded to crawl onto Bruce's lap somehow and looked at the physics book with him. Bruce then decided to put his chin on Tony's shoulder so that he could see the flipping book, and hit Tony's pressure point.  
"Askdkfkgktggjl;" Tony said as he slumped onto the floor.  
Bruce smiled unconsciously.

On the television, err, holographic screen rather, the lovey-dovey romantic movie couple began to make out. Tony began to drool, still rubbing his shoulder. "Owie..."  
Thor's handsome face and beard began to shift towards the curled-up god of mischief whose already blue face darkened immensely.  
"No. Just no, brother."  
Thor frowned and sniffed. "But why not?"  
"That is not how I roll."  
Thor reached out his hand and grabbed Loki by the arm.  
Loki's whole face was blue at this point, like a smurf. A big, catlike, sly, awesome, waifu smurf.  
"Thor- do-don't touch th-there..."  
Loki pointed with his other hand, a dark blue stripe had made itself evident on his arm where Thor's hand was.  
"Please... no..." His face was now electric blue and he stole a blanket from Clint. He wrapped himself in it like a burrito and created a layer of ice an atom thick around himself, shoving Thor about a foot away.  
"But no, brother? Why can we not expres-"  
"Shut up Thor!" Loki said, hugging his legs and rocking back and forth.  
"I feel violated enough already!"  
Steve was beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable.  
"God is a just being, he would never attempt to harass his siblings if he had any."  
Thor pouted. "Ew, Christianity"  
Steve frowned and crossed his arms. "Nyeh" he said, sticking his tongue out.  
Tony jumped up. "You think that's an insult?"  
He grabbed a nearby skateboard and began to whiz around the room, pumping his fists adorned with the middle finger.  
"Woop woop! In yo face Steve!"  
Steve's eyes grew wide.  
"Gasp! Tony! How rude! I am done with you people! And that couple!" He yelled, pointing at the holo, where the two were now on the floor.  
Steve stamped out of the room, angry. He smashed through the wall instead of using the door. Because Steve.  
"Tony, stop being a jerk." Bruce said, giving him a look of dislike. Tony pouted.  
"But bruuuuuucieeeee" he whined, giving puppy-dog-eyes. "He stuck his tongue owt at meeeee"

Two hours later, Steve was nowhere. Bruce found an iPod outside of the john. He picked it up. It had a single audio file.  
Flash by Queen  
"Tasha, is this that song that played when you were talking about that p-"  
The song played.  
"FLASH! AHHH-AH! SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE!  
If you ever want your Steve back, hand over the waifus!"  
Bruce dropped the iPod.  
It fell. And then it didn't break.  
"GUYS, THAT PIMP STOLE STEVE."

Tony ran to Bruce. "Bruuuuucccciieeeeeeeeee! Thank goodness you're safe!"  
Tony then gave Bruce a hug... Yeah a hug.  
Tasha and Clint pulled out their weapons and stood alert. Thor had smashed Loki's personal ice bubble, and dragged him over to the rest by his hair.  
"Owwwwww Thoooooorrrrrrr, ssstoooopppppppp"  
Thor stopped.  
Tasha breathed out.  
"Okay guys, we need to be wary. Back to the movie room, now.  
The avengers minus Steve went back into the movie room.  
Tasha decided to do a head count.  
"One, me; two, Tony; three, Bruce; four, Thor; five, Loki; six, Cli-  
Get off of me Clint."  
Clint sadly detached himself from her arm. "Caw..."  
Tasha turned on the holographic screen again.  
"Let's watch Flash Gordon. Maybe we can get a hint."  
The beginning flickered on, old movies looked weird on Tony's holo.  
She sighed and sat on the nest.  
"Tashi can I make you into a burrito again?"  
"Fine."


	3. Flash Gordon

It was sort of a bad movie. First, that song played. Tony sang along, irking just about everyone.  
"Could you stop?" Bruce grumbled.  
"You know you like it." Tony responded.  
"ugh" said someone. it was hard to tell who, because it was dark.  
The film progressed, describing in pastel colors the exploits of the blond, buff and dumb hero in the court of the dastardly space emperor and the various worlds of his vassals. there was even a scene about the hero making out with the emperor's daughter. unfortunately for Loki, Thor thought it was a metaphor. dragging his struggling brother onto his lap, (Thor is Loki's jihad) he seized one of the slender blue arms and began tracing the arcing stripes on the lean forearm.  
"Norns, Thor go away! No, Stop dont-" heads turned in curiousity as some primal reaction was triggered and the little Jotun went limp, purring.  
"CAW CAW SOFT KITTY WARM KITTY LITTL-" Clint was cut off as Natasha squished his head under a pillow. Bruce seemed interested.  
"What an interesting reflex." he muttered, a biologist once more. " A highly evolved species reverting to animal-like-"  
"OMG I always wanted a cat!" said Tony, moving over to sit next to Thor. "Can we keep it?"  
"My brother is not a cat… well…" The god of Thunder pondered, confused, as he continued to trace half-circles on Loki's arm. Loki was totally flopped on him, snuggling against his chest like a kitten. Thor had this stupid smile on his stubbly face, that grew as his brother's eyes closed extended a finger to poke his blue face. Suddenly, his finger was bloody.  
"Shiz"  
"You are right, he is a cat. I do not know how I did not realize that before." Thor said, using his other hand to stroke his brother's head. "I apologize, Stark. He doesn't like people."  
"It's fine Thor. Some cats are like that." Bruce accepted the apology for Tony, who was cradling his finger.  
"You should go clean that." Natasha remarked.


	4. Just an Agent, Twilight

"I don't wanna get infected by creepy smurf wounds!" Tony said, angstily.  
Loki hissed.  
Tony shut himself up. He left the room forgetting that Steve was kidnapped. He went towards the bathroom.  
After ten minutes, Tasha was worried. She set out with a gun in hand, being the only non-waifu ;-;  
There was Tony's phone on the floor, ringing. She didn't need to pick it up to know who it was. It buzzed. RING RING RING BANANA PHONE!  
Caller ID: Sentry the Waifu Theif  
Tasha yelled in surprise.  
The phone picked itself up, not physically but what is meant is it picked up the call by itself.  
"FLASH! AHHH-AH! SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE!  
One waifu has been captured along with Steve. Hand the rest over and Steve will be back with you, Romanov."  
"Flash, who are you talking to?" Said a girlish voice on the same side of the phone as flash. Duh.  
"Oh just an agent Twilight. No need to worry."  
"Ok flashy~" replied the girly voice.  
The phone hung up.  
"Whaaaatttt?!"  
Tasha ran back to the movie room and did another head count. She locked the door.  
"No one leaves this room without me, ok?"  
"Ok!" Chorused the remaining avengers and Loki.  
Tasha Humphed and sat back down with Clint.  
"And by the way guys, tony somehow got kidnapped."  
Bruce dropped his book.  
His eyes teared up and he began to sniffle.  
"But..! We were gonna do se- um I mean drun- I meant to say science today! Toooonnnnnnyyyyyyyy, whyyyyyyy?!"  
"Because Flash sentry took him. He called me again, through Tony's phone. There was another girl with him named twilight."  
"Twilight? Caw? Flash sentry? They are my otp! Caw!" Clint skwawked.


	5. THOUGHT IT WAS!

Natasha facepalmed.

"clint, why do I even.."

"Because you love me?"

"Whatever." She sighed.

"I require sustenance." Thor said suddenly. He had stopped stroking his brother. "You can get up now, Loki."

"I do what I want, Thor" the Jotun mumbled sleepily.

"I will be standing up now to retrieve the tarts that pop." Thor warned.

"Please don't. " said Natasha. "Flash might steal you too. Why don't you stay here? I'm sure we could get JARVIS to bring you something."

"Sadly, it only responds to Tony." Sniffled Bruce. " and he's gone."

"This Flash you speak of is no match for the mighty Son of Odin. I have saved many a universe, while he has only saved one." Thor stood up, dumping Loki onto the floor.

"I hate you all..." The supervillain said, Coming out of the haze.

Natasha assumed a defensive position in front of the door, hands on the holsters strapped to her thighs. Thor approached and smiled.

"Neither of us wants to fight, Lady Natasha. Just let me get the tarts of pop."

"Fine, but I'm coming with you. Clint, dont break anything. Bruce, keep an eye on the cat." Natasha followed Thor out of the room. They heard a

"Come back here, you mewling quim!" From the room behind them as Thor rummaged through Tony's pantry. There was lots of unhealthy food, booze and shwarma toppings.

A muffled "Huzzah!" Echoed from the depths, and the big blonde returned with a box of blueberry poptarts that had his name written on it in sharpie. He proceeded to rip open the box and devour the poptarts. It wasn't pretty. Natasha averted her eyes for a heartbeat, then turned around again in dismay as the nomming noises stopped abruptly. Thor was gone, leaving only a bunch of crumbs and a note.

"How the (heck) does this guy do it?" She sighed in frustration, storming back into the movie room.

"Me and my daughter are not on speaking terms. Keep her out of this." Said Loki dangerously, unconcerned on the outside about his brothers disappearance, but a storm of feels on the inside. He had returned to his pasty white skin color, but was still sprawled on the floor, looking perfectly comfortable.

"Ok..." Said Natasha, breaking the awkward silence. One of the rules in the Avengers Tower was Never Ever Ask About Loki's Romantic History. The guy gave birth to an eight-legged horse, nuff said.

"As you all probably guessed, we lost Thor. The pimp left a note on paper this time. It says ' Thanks for the Thor. I may have to reconsider returning your Steve due to your lack of cooperation. You still posses one of the most wanted waifus of the internet, but not for long.' Then he signed it 'king of the impossible'. Any ideas?"

"Which one of us is the internet's most wanted waifu?" [insert fangirl fight here] Naive Bruce asked.

"Well, Caw Caw that would be Loki." Said Clint.

"How so?" Bruce asked, confused. He got out too much to know about stuff like this.

"Do you even Tumblr? This guy owns half of it."

"Corporate ownership?"

"Lets just say, I have an army." Loki said, rolling over into a 'draw me like one of your french girls position'.

"I still dont get it." poor Bruce was in for it now.

"Shall I demonstrate why they all want to kneel?"

"Thats enough Loki, we get the picture." Said Natasha, knowing what was coming next. Clint clung to her arm.

"What is it?" She asked him. " I know something about Flash Sentry." He said.

"He became a thing on the internet when he appeared in Equestria Girls. His role was being the main character Twilight's high school boyfriend. She was the first waifu he stole. I think he's thirsty for waifus. Caw haw."

"Foolish Midgardian, what language is that?"

" I didn't understand that either." The Russian spy admitted.

"Whats the plan?" Bruce wondered.

"the only thing I can think of is using our only bargaining chip to get the other half of our team back."

"What makes you think that would work?"Loki asked her, knowing her plans immediately.

"Its our only option. Bruce, don't let Clint leave while we're gone."

"I dont like this, Natasha."

"plz dont leave us Tashaaaaaa"

"Get up, Loki." Natasha ordered the god of mischief. He stuck his tongue out at her and stayed where he was.

"I know your weakness. You don't want to make Bruce angry again, do you?" Loki paled even more, green eyes widened. His spine ached at the memory. He stood up, glaring down at her.

"So be it. But next time I will not be ordered around by quim such as you three." He marched out of the room with dignity, followed by Natasha. She locked the door behind them and yelled to the room.

"Here, you can have this 'most valuable of waifus', if you give me back Steve, Tony and Thor!" Loki leaned idly against a table, inspecting his nails. Natasha turned her head. When she looked back, in his place was a yellow post-it note. She read it.

It said 'THOUGHT IT WAS ;)' Natasha kicked the wall in frustration. She had lost two thirds of the waifus. She ran back into the movie room.


	6. Some Kind of Cell?

**Just a quick note~**

**If you have any thoughts on the story so far, please leave a comment or something. We are getting views, but is it because you are actually interested?**

**We'd simply like to know out of curiosity.**

**Thanks!  
~TechieTrekkie**

Loki woke up because someone was violating him in his sleep, again. Using yet another amazing reflex, he had the culprit in a chokehold with his feet dangling in the air in ten seconds flat. It was a scrawny redheaded guy, wearing some kind of baggy blue military uniform.

They were in some kind of holding cell. There was only one bed. Loki also noticed that there was something around his neck.

"Put him down." Oh, and there were two teenaged girls, standing awkwardly to the side. One had red hair, orange skin, and a purple two-piece. The other was average looking, bushy brown hair and a dark school uniform. Part of the get up was a red and gold striped tie. She was the one who had spoken. Curious to see how this played out, Loki put the waifu down. The guy promptly pulled a white flag out of nowhere and began waving it.

"I surrender! Ve!" He cried.

"then kneel" Loki hissed.

"ok." He did. Loki turned to the girls.

"I am Loki of Jotunheim. " he said silkily.

"I am Starfire of Tameran! " said the orange one.

"um, I'm Hermione of Gryffindor" the normal one said in a slightly amused voice. "I apologize for Italy's actions. He said you, err, fit his criteria."

"Tall, Slicked hair, strong and with a nice butt."

"Um, thanks." Loki said, confused. About half a minute of painfully awkward silence ensued.

"Are you a cat?" Starfire asked suddenly.

"Oh my god Starfire. You can't just ask people if they're cats." Hermione sighed.

"It's just that yesterday we asked Flash Sentry for a cat, and he has a collar". Loki's hand flew to his neck. It felt like a standard collar, with a single metal tag, but he could sense strong anti-magic charms, making is life infinitely more difficult.

"Maybe he is a cat! He makes kitty noises when he sleeps,ve ve."

"Shut up!" Said Hermione, flustered with her cowardly cell mate. "Let him tell us".

"I've been called catlike in the past, but I assure you I am not biologically feline."


End file.
